Kylie Sandilands and Jackie O are not actually dumb.
They're an act. They know what they're doing.
With predictable regularity, they say something offensive. The next day, they insist they didn't mean it like that. Or some other excuse.
Then, the other players in this pantomime – right on cue – leap into action.
Media outlets rehash every detail in shocked tones. (I'm aware of the irony, dear readers.) Social justice types earnestly explain why Kyle Is A Bad Role Model. There is a change.org petition, because there is always a change.org petition. This becomes a separate "news" story. The cycle feeds itself, for days on end.
In directly related news, Kyle and Jackie O is still Sydney's top-rating FM breakfast show.
On Friday, Jackie apologised to Parramatta Eels skipper Kieran Foran. (Foran had taken legal action against Kiis FM over Jackie's incorrect suggestion he was not the father of his second child.) She cried as she told listeners she had spread a "really ugly rumour".
The view that "all publicity is good publicity" is cynical and stupid. Bad press can swing an election. It can ruin lives.
But in the case of these two, it appears to be true.
More than 600,000 Sydney-siders listen to Kyle and Jackie O. Part of their schtick – their marketing strategy – is to spark media coverage through outrageous comments. That might not be written down anywhere. But do you think their bosses scold them when major outlets prominently publish their photo? Do you think they hate it when snippets of their program are embedded in these stories?
Yes, their targets have included a disabled baby, Chinese people in a segment called "Wong Number", and the 14-year-old girl who, live on air, revealed she had been raped. On Friday, it was reported they're running a Mother's Day competition, giving away a boob job to a mother and her daughter.
They've been in deep trouble before. Advertisers have boycotted them. I know of some sponsors – back when they were with Southern Cross Austereo – who refused to be associated with their show.
Since defecting to the Australian Radio Network, they seem to have caused (slightly) fewer scandals. But that's not saying much when you're still poking fun at Chinese restaurant owners. Then repeating untrue baby-daddy whispers.
Kyle and Jackie could dial down the outrage. They choose not to. Their bosses don't want them to. Because what they're doing – their act – is making a lot of money for a lot of people.
If they began treating everyone respectfully, and doing tasteful segments, their ratings would drop. Management would haul them into their office for a serious talking-to. This might be a shock to the change.org crowd, who believe everything can be solved through Positive Role Models In The Media, but it's true.
It's simple capitalism. There are 600,000 Sydney-siders who love it when Kyle mouths off. They see themselves as oppressed victims of a politically correct ruling class. It's a view that Kyle encourages with his stick-it-to-the-man persona. All bunkum, of course. But every outraged report about his latest stunt fuels this perception. Capitalism (and Kyle and Jackie) don't really care about battlers versus elites. But they'll happily milk these stereotypes if there are ratings points – and ad revenue – to be earned.
To be flabbergasted over each new "controversy" is odd. It's like being startled whenever an infant poos its nappy.
This doesn't excuse Kyle and Jackie's antics. Nor am I suggesting we should ignore their mistreatment of other people.
I don't have an easy answer, sorry.
But the fact is, our outrage is part of their plan.
